It is now understood that mental illness in a family
creates a Aripple effect@ that can capsize well siblings, and lead them to feel
as though they are plummeting downward into a sea of confusion, despair,
hopelessness, anger, and grief. With tremendous effort, some siblings can keep
themselves afloat; others depend on parents or other family members to swim
alongside and lift their heads above water periodically; friends and other
support systems such as churches serve as life preservers for many; still others
require direct intervention by mental health professional lifeguards. All will
carry the impact of mental illness through adulthood.
Childhood and Adolescence
Not many unafflicted siblings escape experiencing at
least one (if not several) traumatic experiences as they age. The traumas
include learning about the psychiatric diagnosis of a brother or sister for the
first time and witnessing the family confusion and stress that often manifests
itself via arguments. Other traumas include witnessing a sibling=s: mental hygiene arrests, severe drug abuse, physical
threats or assaults, suicide attempts, bizarre and frightening behavior, and
homelessness. For many siblings, the home can become a war zone, the saddest
part of which is that the Aenemy@ called mental illness has taken over your loved one
before your very eyes.
As a result, some siblings report that they experience
Adual lives@ as they try to conceal their pain, confusion, and
strife from others. Some siblings create the appearance that they lead a
carefree, happy life by not telling others about mental illness or family chaos.
This can limit the quality of connections with peers, because such dual lives
often preclude genuine, open relationships with others.
Family rituals and celebrations are often interrupted by
mental illness. Although many siblings acknowledge that their parents were doing
the best they could, siblings frequently feel neglected or
ignored.
Child and adolescent siblings of people with mental
illness often experience role ambiguities and confusion. Many adolescent
siblings appropriately try to become more autonomous and forge connectedness
with people outside of the family. However, siblings may also feel a strong
sense of responsibility toward parents and they may choose to Ahelp out@ in ways that ease their parents= burden.
Stigma is a life long issue for siblings: fear that
others will find out about the mental illness; fear that one will be judged or
blamed for its onset; fear about losing friendships due to others= fear of psychiatric patients.
Genetics also concern unafflicted siblings, especially
with the increasing evidence of the role of biology in serious mental illness.
Similarly, a well documented sibling concern is trepidation about passing mental
illness on to one or more of their future children.
Countless siblings speak of the pain they experience
when reflecting upon their parents. It is not uncommon for adult siblings to
provide help for their ill siblings to ease the burden of care on aging
parents.
Almost invariably, siblings will address the question of
their own future involvement, or lack thereof, with their ill loved one. Many
siblings report that they feel a commitment to care for their ill sibling, to
provide assistance for parents (especially those who are aging), and to attend
to their own personal lives. Such multifaceted commitments can leave many
siblings feeling drained and Atorn@ about where to spend their mental, physical, and
emotional energies.
Coping and Strengths
Many brothers and sisters begin an information seeking
crusade to acquire information and skills. Clergy and spirituality play an
important role for many, as do organized support groups and advocacy
organizations such as NAMI. Many siblings reach out to trusted others for
support and assistance. Siblings also seek professional help and counseling
under some circumstances. Unfortunately, other siblings begin using negative
coping strategies such as dissociation or drugs and alcohol as a way to dull the
pain. Some siblings choose to withdraw from peers and self-isolate. Avoidance of
emotions and denial is a similar type of coping strategy that some siblings rely
on to get them through the day. Complete detachment from the family of origin is
yet another route that some siblings take. It is noteworthy that individual
siblings can use both positive and negative coping strategies. Furthermore,
siblings= coping strategies often evolve over time as personal
and family circumstances change.
Many adult siblings indicate that they feel more
independent, dependable, compassionate and tolerant of others as a result of
coping with mental illness. Some report that the family experience of mental
illness leads them to re-think the importance of life events, develop a healthy
perspective, and value meaningful and long lasting relationships with
others.
For more information about Mental
Illnesses -
Contact:
The Alliance for the Mentally
Ill
NAMI of Greater
Chicago
1536 West Chicago Ave, Chicago, IL
60622
Phone:
312-563-0445