Parents’ “Bill of Rights
Adapted from the Bill of Rights developed by the
parents in the Thresholds’ parent support group.
When mental illness strikes young people, their parents may experience a great deal of emotional pain. Thresholds’ Executive Director, Dr. Jerry Dincin, in his dealings with parents noticed that they often neglected their own needs. To help parents cope, he established this “Guilt-Free Parent’s Bill of Rights.”
1.
The right to survive.
Parents, who are themselves getting
older, often get stress related illnesses, such as high blood pressure, heart
disease or migraine headaches. Parents
have a right to survive in health, even though they have a child with mental
illness.
2. The right to privacy, to lead their own lives.
Many adult children with mental
illness live with their parents. This
situation can produce an enormous strain.
Parents need their own “space”--privacy within their own home and time
for themselves as a couple and for friends.
3.
The right not to go broke.
Adult
offspring can get confused as to whose money is whose. Parents have the right not to divulge how
much money they make. They don’t have to
go broke paying for their child’s care.
He or she may qualify for benefits or vocational rehabilitation. Without this aid, parents may feel they have
no choice but to support their adult child to their own financial detriment.
4.
The right not to be psychologically abused.
Parents often think that they must
give up being talked to in a courteous way.
You have the right to dignity.
Just because your child is sick, there is no excuse for him or her to
abuse you.
5.
The right not to be physically abused.
It is a crime for your child to hit
you, regardless of whether he or she is sick or well. A physically abusive child may have to be
hospitalized.
6.
The right to be parents to their other children.
Parents may be so wrapped up in the
needs of a sick child that they may neglect their other children. Try to strike a balance, meeting needs of and
spending time with all of your children.
7.
The right to express their emotions.
Parents have a right to express
their feelings about their mentally ill child’s behavior. It is healthy to say “When I hear you talk
like that I become angry (or frustrated, or hurt).” If your child is constantly abusive, unclean,
or playing loud music, you need to suggest she or he move out. You can say “Your father and I have decided
to live alone together. We will help you
find a place to live.”
8.
The right to respite and vacations.
You
can take a vacation, and you do not have to take along your mentally ill adult
child.
9.
The right to receive help too.
Parents
can become as ill as their children.
Their thinking may become skewed.
Parents have the right to their own psychotherapy--to see their own
doctor. You cannot take care of your
mentally ill child if you are ill.
10.
The right to set house rules.
If your child still lives at home, you have the right to set rules that will be followed. In case of loud music playing, for example, you can require that your child use headphones.
Contact:
NAMI of Greater
(312) 563-0445